Me last Saturday 8/17/2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Evolution of Me
me 2007 with Kat
me in 2008 with Raileyn
Me in 2009
me in 2003 with Kat and Dustyn
Me in April 2013
Me in June 2013
Me in 2008
Us in 2012
Me with friends 2010
Me with girls in 2006
Me in 2009
Blah!
I can't believe that 2 years ago I started this blog and I weighed 180 something. I weigh 10 lbs more now and I am even more disgusted. What it the hell is wrong with me? Why is this ok with me that I would let it carry on for 2 years and 2 years before that and 2 more years before that? WTF!?
I could go on and on about all the things I hate about me. My saggy fat arms. My fat calves and thighs. My triple chins. My fat neck. My fat face. I can honestly say that I never used to be like this and I am ashamed of myself on so many different levels.
I could go on and on about all the things I hate about me. My saggy fat arms. My fat calves and thighs. My triple chins. My fat neck. My fat face. I can honestly say that I never used to be like this and I am ashamed of myself on so many different levels.
Here is me and my 2 older children in February of 2003.
Pre-Fat and Pre 2nd Marriage/
Clean eating vs Paleo vs Atkins
I have a lot of people in my life with a lot of opinions on which is the best way to go etc as far as lifestyle changes and dietary needs.
Last month a health scare of a dear friend kind of shifted things for her. She had a brain tumor removed and is now dare I say scared SHITLESS of this thing killing her. Honestly so is her family. But she's also afraid the same thing might happen to people she loves dearly Since I love her dearly and I want to support her! She's kind of tuned towards the Paleo Diet.
Then another dear friend Kim, her hubby has amazing success with Atkins.
I'm interested in both. I'm interested in changing our lifestyle to simple clean eating.
Which brings me to this- I grew a garden.
I did. And it turned out ok. I have tons of zucchini, egg plants, cucumbers,tomato, cabbage. All super delicious! All super healthy. Thats when I learned I can do this. I can implement some form of healthy living. I can exercise, eat right, and hopefully lose weight. This clean living/eating will help me to maintain things and I can hopefully get back to indulging once in awhile the things I love...like chocolate cake.
I should also explain that I am mostly writing this blog to myself. I want to be able to go back and see that I met my goal. That I documented and help myself accountable. I can do this.
Last month a health scare of a dear friend kind of shifted things for her. She had a brain tumor removed and is now dare I say scared SHITLESS of this thing killing her. Honestly so is her family. But she's also afraid the same thing might happen to people she loves dearly Since I love her dearly and I want to support her! She's kind of tuned towards the Paleo Diet.
Then another dear friend Kim, her hubby has amazing success with Atkins.
I'm interested in both. I'm interested in changing our lifestyle to simple clean eating.
Which brings me to this- I grew a garden.
I did. And it turned out ok. I have tons of zucchini, egg plants, cucumbers,tomato, cabbage. All super delicious! All super healthy. Thats when I learned I can do this. I can implement some form of healthy living. I can exercise, eat right, and hopefully lose weight. This clean living/eating will help me to maintain things and I can hopefully get back to indulging once in awhile the things I love...like chocolate cake.
I should also explain that I am mostly writing this blog to myself. I want to be able to go back and see that I met my goal. That I documented and help myself accountable. I can do this.
Defined by a number
I want to say that I am not defined by a number persay but I totally am. Its 3:00 in the morning and here I am standing on a scale. Not just realizing that I am FAT but knowing I've been here for a long damn time. I way almost 50 lbs more than I did when I moved here 10 years ago to marry my hubby. Maybe even more because back then I wasn't keeping tabs on my weight. I had gone through a divorce and had 2 children. 'My divorce left me sad and depressed. I'm not a depressive eater. Quite the opposite back then. So I didn't look bad and wasn't in bad shape.
Fast forward to 2013. I can tell you that my BMI is over 30 and I am short. So I am now considered obese. 190 lbs obese WTF? 190 lbs, 4" 11" obese...yet again WTF? How did I let myself get here? By not holding myself accountable, by not caring, by settling. I'm not going to let this number define who I am. I won't but it does tell you who I am in the right now. I may not like it, I may want to do something about it. But for right now this is who I am. And Julie...has....gone....fat!
Now next summer it will be 20 years since I graduated from high school. Next summer my best friend is getting married. Next summer, next summer, next summer. Ugh! So I have so many things to look forward to in 2014. But most of all. I have 4 beautiful someones. In every picture I see myself in with them I am so disgusted. Because again. How did I ever allow this? This isn't me. I way 100 lbs more than I did 19 years ago! I progressively gained 5.2 lbs a year for all of those 19 years? How will I ever lose it in 1? I won't. But this is a good place to start!
Fast forward to 2013. I can tell you that my BMI is over 30 and I am short. So I am now considered obese. 190 lbs obese WTF? 190 lbs, 4" 11" obese...yet again WTF? How did I let myself get here? By not holding myself accountable, by not caring, by settling. I'm not going to let this number define who I am. I won't but it does tell you who I am in the right now. I may not like it, I may want to do something about it. But for right now this is who I am. And Julie...has....gone....fat!
Now next summer it will be 20 years since I graduated from high school. Next summer my best friend is getting married. Next summer, next summer, next summer. Ugh! So I have so many things to look forward to in 2014. But most of all. I have 4 beautiful someones. In every picture I see myself in with them I am so disgusted. Because again. How did I ever allow this? This isn't me. I way 100 lbs more than I did 19 years ago! I progressively gained 5.2 lbs a year for all of those 19 years? How will I ever lose it in 1? I won't. But this is a good place to start!
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